Why Do They Call Them Milestones?
"Milestones" implies that each stage is something long and tedious. But they should reconsider the name, because they feel more like stepping stones. By the time you have advanced to one, you are already onto the next. They are slipping through my hands like drops of water. Each breakthrough is brief and you're left dumbfounded in its wake.
As I contemplate the passing of my daughter's 1st birthday, I get misty eyed thinking of how she was so little such a short time ago! She was a vulnerable and helpless little thing in my arms...and now she's so independent! She is eating, talking, crawling, standing...soon to be walking. I thought that having a “baby” was a long term thing...I mean don't get me wrong, obviously I am signing about an 18 year contract here, but I thought that “babyhood” was this consistent state that you oversaw once you became a mother. My “baby” is soon to be a “toddler”. And then more stepping stones after that. Does it all go by this fast!? Every day is different. I am not sure where people are experiencing any semblance of “routine” because caring for a baby is like watching that evolution scene from Cosmos where a fish becomes a human in 40 seconds:
One day she is peacefully laying in her bassinet, cooing at the ceiling, and the next day she is crawling all over mommy like a centipede. I want to throw her in a cryogenic chamber at night so I can pick up where I left off, instead of feeling like I am missing chunks of time every day when I come home from work.
I suppose maybe if I were a stay at home mom, I might be growing anxious to see progress being made. Being a working mother gives a slightly different perspective. Instead of wondering when she will reach her next “milestone”, I am just awestruck at how quickly she is growing. Every day I encounter another small but huge change. She is thinking about how she is going to play with something before she grabs it, so she turns her hand upside down before she grabs a toy because she knows its upside down. She is holding a spoon by herself. She is offering daddy a bite of her food, because she apparently already understands the concept of sharing somehow. Every little thing she does fills me with elation and pride. I look forward to what new thing she will display today. I know it will be different from the last. While I ride this roller coaster called parenthood, I can see the synapses in her brain go off as she learns every new skill.
To each his own I guess. I am not going to try to rush things. She will start talking when she is ready. She will start going potty when she's damn good and ready. She is going to walk to the front door one day when I come home to greet me with one of those beautiful big grins. And mommy is going to be simultaneously so proud and so sad how quickly her little girl is growing up!
Update August 9, 2016
She Is Now Walking
I did not want to rush her into it. But as she reached her 14th month, I guess we couldn't help the panic setting in as we contemplated the possibility of developmental setbacks. She has been on track or above average for all her other milestones. But as I saw my friends and family members with babies showing off their walking 10-month-olds, I started to wonder. I sought out the advice of a family member who also works with preschoolers and had a couple of children of her own. She said one of her boys started walking around 18 months. This assuaged my fears, but my hubby was still alarmed that she had not shown signs of progress. She could walk as long as she was holding onto a piece of furniture. I figured it had more to do with her fears than with ability and stability.
Over the course of the next few weeks, we upped our “walking” activities with Jade. I would hold her hands and walk with her back and forth through the house. I would put her in a “scooty” chair and push her back and forth across the deck while she kept apace with her feet. I got a baby harness to hold her upright to encourage walking. I set up the hanging swing and put her in it daily. Her daddy and I would sit on opposite sides of the living room. One would hold her and the other would call her over. She would take a couple steps and then start to collapse before the other one of us would grab her. Eventually, she was able to get from one of us to the other without falling. Her upright trips would progress to longer and longer durations. Soon, she was walking all over the house!
Her walking wasn't like they picture it in the movies. It wasn't like “Oh look, honey, her first steps! Quick get the video camera!” It was a gradual work of progress...Lots of first pseudo-steps, that progressed to longer and longer upright periods. If she started to walk, I would grab my camera in anticipation while I filmed her falling on her butt and then crawling away. I don't think I ever managed to record her first steps. Perhaps I will take one of the videos I got of her subsequent walking and pretend I got the iconic footage... The sad part is, I now have to accept she is a toddler, and she isn't my little baby anymore! (Though I still do call her that, and probably always will!)
I feel like somewhat of a hypocrite for my previous proclamation of allowing her to progress at her own pace. She would have been fine if she didn't start walking until 18 months. I suppose that the “milestones” schedule for babies and children is more of an average age range. See them as “general guidelines” more than strict rules that should be adhered to. Children's development isn't like clockwork. They take on everything in their own time. Some things they will pick up more quickly than expected, and some they will seem to “trail behind” their peers. But I don't think that parents should worry too much if their child is a couple of months off target, as long as there aren't several other symptoms of a developmental problem like Autism.
Sometimes, they need a little encouragement, or little bit of training or guidance from us. With many milestones, we can take the reins and get them to start achieving them earlier than they would on their own. But I wonder, how much of that is necessary. Experiencing this first hand, even after vowing not to meddle, I have to say that “improvements” were quickly made when we did tackle the situation head on. We were successful in that regard. Yet, did she miss out on something by not going through the process of figuring it out on her own? Did I miss out on something by forcing the issue and getting her to “grow up” a little more quickly? After all, we can't go backwards. We can only move forward. All we can do is log these fleeting moments in our memory banks, and look back at it all as our teenagers are moving out, and wonder “Where did the time go!?”
According to this chart, 15 months is the max for walking...But I know some people whose children did not walk independently until 18 months. Their child did not have any developmental problems! There is also a variation in time frames based on the source of the information. Source: arayeh.org
