8 Ways a Mother is Like a Superhero
Welcome to the Miraculous World of Motherhood...Throw logic out the window, because your traversing a path not lined with logic, but with magic, extreme coincidence, and super-mommy powers!
You will now have the ability to go without sleep. You will have to be prepared to get by on about half the sleep you used to get. You are now on the baby's schedule. They will determine when you sleep. They will wake you up several times at night, and get up early in the morning. Sleep deprivation has nothing on you! Your will is far stronger than the sandman.
Start hitting the hay earlier so you have a bigger time frame within which you have the potential for sleep. In theory, this should get better with time. Or, dont, and just learn to deal with it...
You now have super strength and super endurance. Pregnancy was just a forerunner test of your endurance. You now have the strength of 10 men! You are carrying the baby in one arm and groceries in the other, and somehow you are also carrying the diaper bag, your purse, and the stroller up 2 flights of stairs.
God help any one who makes the mistake of coming between you and your child, or puts them down or threatens them in any way. I dont care if you encounter an MMC fighter on steroids. Your instinct will turn you into a raging bull. Assert yourself just a bit and they will be running with their tail between their legs.
Not to mention, there have been reported cases where a child was trapped under a tree or car, and the mother could instantly lift said obstacle single-handedly without even flinching.
You also become extremely patient. You have the ability to read the same farm animals book at least every other day. You patiently feed a cup of baby food to your child when most of it is going everywhere except for into the child! Meanwhile, you havent actually had breakfast yet and its now 3pm. You will develop the patience of a monk and the stealth of a ninja as you learn how to slowly carry her to bed without waking her up after she passes out in your lap.
Not only will you realize just how strong you are, you will also find your pain tolerance go through the roof. Labor pains were the precursor of a long battle. You can carry your child in your arms until your muscles are shaking, and yet, you will have no intention of putting her down. If you breastfeed, your nipples will become sore, cracked and blistered, and still you will find a way to feed your child, because their well being is more important than yours! You will also put up with them pulling your hair, smacking your face, gouging your eyes and biting your cheek. It will not even occur to you to scold them or stop them, because they are having fun and being experimental.
You can multitask like a super genius. You are not going to have the time to clean, cook, do laundry, or go shopping, but you will come up with innovative ways to squeeze these activities into a day of being a full time baby sitter. You can now pay your bills online while also coordinating a get-together on Facebook, talk to your best friend on the phone, change a diaper, cook dinner, and fold and put away clothes at the same time. Not only do you have the strength of 10 people, but you are also miraculously as productive as 10 people!
You have a super-human “Yuck” tolerance: Drool and spit-up are just the beginning...You are going to be elbow deep in substances you would have never considered touching with a ten foot pole while wearing a Haz Mat suit in your pre-motherhood days. You will be stunned to see how such tiny noses can yield such massive bogies! Be prepared for projectile vomit and projectile poopie. Oh yes, you can bet your bottom dollar there will be a day when the clean diaper just doesn't go on quite quickly enough. And there are those horrible days when they are sick, or after they get their shots, when that scene from Poltergeist gets a whole new meaning in your life.
While you are a hard-core germaphobe, you will suddenly develop this uncanny ability to let your child, who has crawled on the floor, stuck her hand in the dog dish and who-knows-what, then drooled all over that same hand, for the last few hours, proceed to shove said hand into your face or into your mouth without any qualms whatsoever!
You will develop ESP. Your extrasensory powers will enable you to fluently understand your childs gibberish. When everyone else is asking “why is she crying?” you will already be attending to the precise need that she requires tending to. You become an adept mindreader, and if she is taking a nap in the other room, your mommy-sense will tingle and you will drop everything to run in and check on her at apparently the same exact time she decided to wake up.
Your kisses really do have healing properties! If she falls down and hurts her knee, all you have to do is kiss it and wave your hand over it like a magic wand, and POOF, no more boo-boo! Instantly dismantle a crying fit like nothing happened. You also have the power to dispell all lurking monsters and boogie-men from closets, under beds, and the like, just with your mere presence. Your magical abilities know no bounds!
