How To Be a New Mom Like A Boss
My Best Advice For Women Who Are Having A Baby For The First Time
If you are facing your pregnancy and pending birth with apprehension, confusion, and frustration, don't make the same mistakes I did out of sheer ignorance! You want to go into motherhood prepared with knowledge and wisdom. Here are things that I would have done differently if I did it all over again:
1. Realize its not the end of the world if you gain a little extra weight during your pregnancy. At every check-up, the doctors and nurses were very adept at being doomsayers, elevating my worst fears with every visit. Just keep in mind that while they are going to notify you of the worst case scenario at ever step, most of these risks are the exception to the rule, and not the norm. Because I gained too much weight too quickly, according to my doctor, I was told that I had an increased risk of gestational diabetes, high blood pressure, blood clotting, and preeclampsia,*** or hypertension during pregnancy. According to Science Daily,
“A latest study by researchers reports that rates for pre-eclampsia, characterized by an elevation in the blood pressure and excess protein in the urine of pregnant women, rose from 3.4 percent in 1980 to 3.8 percent in 2010. This increase was due to the rise in rates of severe pre-eclampsia -- from 0.3 percent in 1980 to 1.4 percent in 2010, a relative increase of 322 percent.” *
The rate of severe preeclampsia is small, and even if you get preeclampsia, with close monitoring, you could deliver your baby safely.
I went through a gamut of tests and was monitored closely at all times when I checked into the hospital. Being advanced maternal age (AMA), AND in their “overweight” category put me into a double whammy, so I was a high risk upon admission. I gained a total of 70 lbs. during my pregnancy. Despite this, I had a safe delivery and I am now back down to my pre-pregnancy weight.
Here are some celebrities who also gained over 50 pounds during their pregnancy (and bounced back):**
Beyonce
Pink
Jenny McCarthy
Jessica Simpson
Kim Kardashian***
In my opinion, it is better to err on the side of over-gaining than not gaining enough. What would you rather have coming out the gate? A plump, healthy baby, or an lethargic premie? I know someone, who by order of her doctor, went on a strict no-fat diet during her pregnancy...This resulted in her child suffering from permanent mental disabilities!
Eat healthy, and realize you are becoming a mother. Sometimes vanity just has to go out the window!
2. Take birthing classes with your spouse. We did not go to classes. We read a lot of books and did a lot of research online. (Be careful here- there is a lot of fear-mongering misinformation readily available on the internet, too!) I even ran my Doctor through the grill a couple of times, however, I don’t think anything compares to a hands on experience. I was not worried about my breathing, what positions I would take during labor, or anything like that. What I now believe would have been improved was my hubby's interactions with me during labor. he would have been better equipped with the tools and experience to know how to help ease my labor pains, which might have eased me into delivery much more quickly. Don’t forget, the class is as much for his education as yours! I think that if he had been given instructions on how to address my cues during labor, it would have gone a lot more smoothly. As it was, he was basically learning through trial and error on the spot! He did an amazing job nonetheless... In addition to this, your body will know the motions, even if you are not of sound mind. Reading up on what to expect was a great idea, but if we had coupled it with a hands-on class, we would have been even more prepared. Going to a prenatal class of some sort will better equip both parents with coping tools when the time comes.
3. Take plenty of photos and videos. I am talking about at every point - throughout your pregnancy, your delivery, and your little one's childhood! Starting with your pregnancy photos...I didnt take that many photos when I was pregnant. At the time you feel larger than life...you are irritable, uncomfortable, and you're paranoid that you look like you are smuggling a Butterball turkey under your shirt. All that aside, once its all over and done, you will, strangely, think back wistfully of your pregnancy days. You don't have to show everyone, or post it on your social media profile if you are feeling self conscious. But you will want to look back at yourself later on.
If you do want to flaunt it, then you can get professional maternity photos done, of you, you and your spouse, or you and your family. What's even better is getting before-and-after photos done. There are really clever and cute ideas on Pinterest if you look up "Maternity photos" – everything from a pregnant woman holding her belly and then the new mother holding her baby in the same pose, to pregnancy progression photos of women holding objects like fruit or vegetables or flowers in front of their belly to represent their baby's size. Here is a good article to give you some ideas for this.**** I started doing this a little late in the game, and if I could have done it over again, I would have started a lot sooner.
I am a photographer by trade, which makes it even more idiotic that I did not take more pictures of my newborn. I think I had succumbed to the worry of what people would think of me if i became one of those overly-doting parents that take thousands of photos and then foist them onto unsuspecting victims in hours-long slide shows or Facebook walls filled with hundreds of only slightly differing baby snapshots. Well my advice to you, and my old me, is to take more photos at every opportunity! My family moved a lot while growing up. They say that moving is very similar to having a house fire, as far as your loss of personal possessions. So after all that moving, a baby photo of myself or any of my siblings is difficult to come by, if possible at all.
Close relatives may ask for something too if they can't get enough of the new addition to the family...and believe me, they will definitely want a "piece of the action"...babies are irresistible!
This is time you are never going to get back. Realize with the digital age, you can always get rid of some if there are too many photos. But you can never go back in time to capture those precious moments when you child is still a sweet little, helpless baby. Every stage of their growing has its charm. It will all go by in the blink of an eye and you will want a keepsake of those stages of their life.
During my labor and delivery, we had 2 cameras, 2 video cameras, and 3 cell phones on hand to capture the event. While you are not going to look your best during this ordeal, its no reason to shirk the photo ops! This is a very rare occasion and you will want some sort of documentation to look back on later.
By the same token, be more demanding when you are getting your ultrasound images done.
You, or your health insurance carrier, are paying for this anyway, so treat it like a photo session!
These are the first images of your child! These are keepsakes that you should treat like gold. The problem with my experience is I did not know you could request certain ones, and you could be more demanding during the process to get what you want.
I was just quiet about the whole thing, thinking I was lucky to come away with just a few blurry images. I still to this day cry because I did not get one particular image of her on her side, looking like she was literally waving hello to the camera! For some reason, the nurse was not inclined to print me a copy of that one!
A friend of mine said she kept pushing the nurse to take more images until she was happy with the results. She got maybe 15-20 printouts from each one of her ultrasounds, whereas I only got about 3-5 each time.
You only get a couple of shots at this during your pregnancy. When you go in for your appointments, keep in mind that they will most likely accommodate you if you actually speak up and ask for what you are expecting to get out of it. Its your life! Take the reigns! This is more important to you than anyone else- They are just doing their job!
Also, get hand and foot prints done as quickly as you can after they are born. You will cherish them always, and your baby will grow so quickly, you won't be able to replicate this later on if you wait too long.
4. You don’t need to run to the hospital as soon as the contractions start. Your body will give you a good warning, especially if it is your first child.
Here are some symptoms of “False Labor” or Braxton Hicks contractions:
Contractions that are irregular and/or more than five minutes apart
Pelvic pressure which is constant and not intermittent or wave-like
Losing your mucous plug does not necessarily indicate that your labor is starting*****
True Labor is starting when:
Contractions are 5 minutes apart (from start to start), each contraction lasts at least 1 minute, and this pattern continues for 1-2 hrs
The contractions make you stop and catch your breath
The contractions do not go away after drinking some fluids or lying down*****
You can get a contractions monitor app on your phone to track this, since you wont want to be mentally keeping track as things progress and get more intense. All this being said, try to plan ahead if and when you can.
5. In the event that you plan on going to the hospital or birthing center:
In a dense urban area or major city, you may want to try and time your trip to the hospital. Don’t do what I did and wait until 7 am rush hour to get your hubby to take you. It may actually be advantageous to go at an odd time, because you are more likely to be seen and attended to right away. If I had to do it over again, I probably would have woken up my hubby at 3am. While the hospital may not be fully staffed, you have a lot less “competition” and won't have to encounter traffic on the way there.
Have a bag ready by the door with all the hospital-stay essentials by the door. You don't need to overdo it!
Take coconut water ( the kind WITHOUT pulp). You will need these for hydration and restoration and if you are stuck on a clear-liquids diet at the hospital, coconut water contains electrolytes, calories, easily digestible carbohydrates, and lots of potassium. The hospital will offer very little in the way of sustenance for you during labor. They don't like for you to eat solid foods, as they anticipate needing to perform a C-Section. Suckful, I know, but this is protocol! For this reason, I would suggest you eat a big hearty meal right before you check in. This will provide you with nourishment and energy throughout the labor and delivery process, so make it count!
Take bottles of water…While the nurses on staff will always try to tend to your needs, sometimes they may be delayed or just forget. Bring water for yourself and for your attending party. They may also want to bring snacks for themselves, as food offerings for guests may be limited.
Other things you will want to include:
One or 2 changes of clothes for you and your significant other will be enough. Even if you are there for several days, you are in a hospital gown during your stay.
You wont need all the toiletries that a lot of blogs and websites say since you are going to be in the hospital and they will provide you with most of these things. They will most likely have the following things available for you: a tooth brush, toothpaste and/or mouthwash, bar soap, shampoo, towels, hand towels, tissue, and even things like changes of underwear and pads.
Remember that everything you bring with you will have to be carted around as you move from room to room. Pack what you anticipate needing, but try to pack light. Have plenty of bags and containers for everything, as you want throwing everything in to be a no-brainer. You will most likely be moved from room to room at least 2 or 3 times.
You are going to want to bring deodorant, and maybe a brush and a hair tie. Other things just fall by the wayside amid the commotion and excitement. You’re kind of disconnected from the outside world when you are in labor-land. And after the ordeal you’re exhausted and/or interacting with your newborn and you’re not going to be too concerned about curling your hair or doing your makeup! I did appreciate that I brought my essential oils with me. I used these during my labor to ease contraction pains.
If you plan on retaining your placenta and/or umbilical cord for encapsulation or keepsakes, then you will need an ice-chest with ice, and a large zip lock bag, as well as someone who you entrust with the chore of obtaining the placenta and taking it home quickly. The hospital will see this as a “bio-hazard” and require that you remove it from the premises within a few hours. If you would like to read about my process of placenta encapsulation, click here.
If you are planning any sort of Hypno-Birthing or sound-wave meditation, bring your tablet, cell phone or an mp3 player and headphones to get into the right auditory atmosphere – and don’t forget the chargers for your electronics! Things around a hospital are hectic, noisy, distracting, and not conducive to the mood needed for delivery. Have things on hand that they most likely WON'T provide, that will help your progression.
Some hospitals and birthing centers are equipped with a yoga ball, mat, and various pillows to get you comfortable. Try to find out in advance what they will provide. My hospital provided free orientations to get you familiar with the procedure, building layout, and room accommodations during your stay. This will really come in handy when you show up during labor, as you may be panicked, distracted, and disoriented, and may become separated from other members of your party, if you invited friends and family members to attend the birth.
For that matter, the hospital will probably provide overnight lodging for you and your partner. Every one else is out of luck, so this is something to keep in mind if your guests are visiting from out of town.
Have a “Plan B” if things don't go according to your birth plan! Consult with your partner before situations reach critical mass. I gave up on my “natural birth” idea around the 35th hour. Fortunately, while I was too out of it for my own good, my partner made the executive decision to opt for the epidural and pitocin combo. While not ideal, this was a far better outcome than a forced C-Section surgery, in my opinion- from which recovery would have taken a lot longer. To see my original "Birth Plan" go HERE.
6. You don't need to give your baby a bath right away. In fact, the weird slimy stuff they wipe off immediately is actually a skin protectant. It keeps them moisturized, as well as provide a defense against germs. The little bit left behind is still effective. Newborns smell this, as well as amnion on their hands, and associate this smell with the smell of the nipple, which they will seek out quickly after being born for their first nurse. I wish I knew I didn't have to wash my baby right after being born! I had done so many things to keep her traumas and upsets to a minimum, and then the nurse who bathed her totally freaked her out. She was bawling the whole time! My heart just sunk out of my chest! I wanted to tell her to stop but it was already too late. One of the points of having them give her a bath was so I could watch how to do it, but even that failed! The nurse did a terrible job and just left soap on her- which couldn't have been good for her new, delicate skin! After her bath, her skin went from velvety smooth to wrinkled, scaly, and reptile-esque. It became so dried out that the creases in between her fingers even started cracking and bleeding! In addition to this, she broke out in bumpy rashes all over. If you want to watch someone bathe a baby for your own reference, just find a video on Youtube, and pass on subjecting your child to this unnecessary horror! Please don't feel like you need to bathe them every day either! For one thing, babies just don't get that dirty. Their natural oils and protectants will kick in. So in addition to not bathing too frequently, you don't need to use baby powder, baby lotion, or baby oil on them. Its actually better if you don't do these things, so their skin will regulate on their own. As for keeping a dry tushy, just let them air dry in between diapers.
In conclusion...The more knowledge you have going into the situation, the better you will be able to handle things when you are experiencing it first hand. Unless you have already worked things out with your partner, don't let someone else make decisions for you, based merely on default settings and standard routines…This is YOUR BIRTH and YOUR CHILD- OWN IT!
*** Kim Kardashian Photo Credit: Eva Rinaldi
To read more do-over stories by mothers, go here:
