Positive Parenting: Happy Mom, Happy Children
5 Ways Having a Child Can Improve Your Outlook on Life
Before I had my daughter, my life used to suck. Well maybe it didn't suck, but my perception was that it sucked, for the most part.
I suffered a severe bout of depression before I got pregnant. For months, if not a year or more, I was even having suicidal thoughts. Not to sound too alarming, but sufficed to say, that phase has now passed.
Nowadays, I often find myself smiling while going about my day. Its whenever I think of my child. She is just so darned awesome! I feel so blessed and grateful everyday to have such a wonderful child. I know I can't be the only parent who feels that way.
Here is my assessment of why this may be the case:
1. You "Don't sweat the small stuff". Just like the old saying, being a mother really does put everything else into perspective. If I miss the end of my favorite show, or if I can't go out to a concert with my friends, if I have an argument with my significant other, or if I am generally having a crappy day, I just kind of brush it off and redirect my attention towards interacting with my daughter; whereas before, I probably would have dwelled on the negative until I worked myself up into a hissy fit. I also don't freak out about trying to make things "perfect" any more. Keeping my anger in check works from 2 different aspects: Since my priorities changed, I just don't care as much about what are now obviously trivial things. But I am also less prone to visibly expressing my anger in front of my kid because I don't want to disrupt her otherwise happy day, and I know that children also act out the behaviors they witness in their family members. I feel I would be doing her a huge disservice to pass along detrimental habits of aggression to her.
Perhaps I'm just too plain busy to get sucked into all-encompassing bouts of worry! I have stopped fretting over things and found that everything just sort of falls into place anyway! (By the way, worry does not help a darned thing!)
2. My daughter is a little ray of sunshine! She is just so smiley and giggly! Her giddiness and zest for life is contagious! In watching her excited exploration of the world around her, I get to re-experience life through her eyes. She is not "jaded" by the badness in life. She is new to it and eagerly investigates her surroundings in a fun and joyful manner. With each encounter, she is optimistic and playful. Its hard to not pick this up on even a subliminal level, since it has been proven that our micro-expressions subconsciously mimic others. I don't know whether she initially feeds off of my emotions or vice versa- as I am usually upbeat in my interactions with her as well…either way, I guess happiness is amplified exponentially when you can share it with someone else. Furthermore, it has also been proven that emotional receptors in the brain are more prone to triggering over and over again the more they are activated. So the more you laugh, play, and exhibit happiness, the more happiness will become a dominant feeling in your repertoire of emotions throughout the day. Additionally, she is always living in the moment. When we are playing together, I am not obsessing over the past or worried about the future. She is teaching me to be present. This is such a stress-relieving activity! Raising a child brings you to the awareness of simple joys that abound in life! Each day, I am delighted by the small things - whenever she learns something new, and I see the sense of accomplishment on her face, it feels remarkable and splendid! It's not just her mental development, but her emotional development and her incredible personality shining through as well. I am extremely grateful that I have been blessed with such an awesome offspring!
3. Breastfeeding causes you (and your child) to get all sorts of endorphins and oxytocin and happy hormones! Just this act alone can get you out of a persistent bad mood. The same mommy hormones that kick in naturally during labor and delivery, also play a roll here. I suppose, from a scientific/ evolution standpoint, this was nature's way of insuring that mothers would continue to sustain the life of their offspring after birth. I highly recommend that if you start developing post-partum depression, breastfeeding can alleviate this problem.
This also increases the bond between mother and child. My love for my daughter is the biggest expression of love I have ever felt on earth- even surpassing that feeling of "true love" I had for my hubby. Sorry Hon, if you are reading this, no offense intended! I don't want you to think that this in any way makes me love my spouse less. Its just that, I am now experiencing a whole new level of love I heretofore didn't know existed…and incredibly, each day, it feels like that level of love felt expands even more - if I were to draw a comparison here, it feels angelic and god-like.
Whether or not you breastfeed, it is also possible that the pregnancy itself can affect your physiology, either temporarily or permanently. I know of several instances where a woman's allergies changed after becoming a mother. In fact, I am one such instance - I used to be allergic to shellfish. During my pregnancy, I noticed I was able to eat shrimp without an effect. To this day, I still have not relapsed into having any reaction to shellfish.
Microchimerism is a recently discovered phenomenon, in which a small number of genetically distinct cells originating from another individual are present in the host individual. During pregnancy, a two-way traffic of immune cells may occur through the placenta. Exchanged cells can multiply and establish long-lasting cell lines that are immunologically active even decades after giving birth.*
In essence, what this means is your unborn child can actually change your genetic makeup, even permanently. Maybe it just so happened that having my daughter gave me a sunny disposition. Maybe I took on some of her DNA? Maybe pregnancy altered the composition of hormones in my body? Maybe it was because of the presence of stem cells that my body had access to to fill the holes in my own inferior physiology? All I know is, I feel happier now. One way or another, or in many ways, my overbearing sense of anxiety and pessimism has subsided and my mood has been elevated since giving birth to my daughter.
4. No matter "how bad it gets," I have a definite purpose in life – raising my little one! I used to feel like there was no one who really cared about me. While I know that was simply not true, the mind has a way of tricking you into believing some weird crap! I can combat this negative internal chatter with an indisputable truth: I now have this little human being who not only craves being around me, but I am one of the most important people in her life! It feels good to be wanted and needed. Not to be too morbid here, but her existence would also suspend any potential thoughts of ending it all simply because she needs someone to look after her. Not only that, but I have a greater outlook on life because I have the future to look forward to as well. I can't wait to raise her and watch her grow, and see what she is like as an adult. The future is an exciting prospect instead of a worrisome unknown with an ultimate, tragic ending.
5. I feel more confident and have greater self-esteem and self-worth now that I am a mother. I have always been a massively insecure person. I don't think it is because I was lacking as a human being, or lacking intelligence or talent…I just always felt judged- like I needed to prove myself. Now that I am successfully raising a child, I feel like that is all I need to justify my existence. I don't need to make anyone else happy! My daughter is happy, and that is good enough for me! I am good enough for me! I don't need anyone's approval to be a mother. I know I am doing a good job, and the smile on my daughter's face every day is proof enough of this. I don't care about my physical flaws as much anymore either. Perhaps its just the "don't sweat the small stuff" principle at play here. Or maybe since my daughter loves me unconditionally, I don't feel like I am lacking in any way. She likes me just the way I am, and so should I. Or maybe its that since I am already insuring that my genetics continue on for another generation, I don't have to fret so much over my attractiveness to the opposite sex. I'm not saying I plan on just letting myself go. I still want to be healthy and energetic so I can keep up with my daughter. But at the same time, pre-pregnancy me would have been upset about putting on 5 pounds. And now something like that doesn't even faze me!
My perspective has shifted, so now I'm not so self-absorbed~ I know it sounds like an oxymoron to say that I have greater self worth while I am less self-involved, but it really isn't. Its almost as if I simply don't have the time to get all worked up over my shortcomings because I am working towards a greater cause now. While I worry about myself less, I also feel more self-assured in my day-to-day activities. I realize that I am put together enough to make ends meet and meet the needs of my child. One of the reasons why I had waited so long to have my first child was because I wanted to be sure that my life was in order enough before dragging another human being out into the world. I never felt prepared enough, successful enough, financially stable enough, emotionally ready enough…But now I know that you never feel prepared. And now I know I was always enough!
Not to mention when you give birth to a new person, you have an immense sense of accomplishment! Being a mother is empowering - sometimes I feel like a superhero! I know I am not really, but maybe I am in the eyes of my child! She is what is important to me, and I feel successful in that I brought her into the world!
Becoming a mother has been greatly satisfying. It is so rewarding to watch my child grow and learn and blossom! My mindset went from "I just need [one more thing] to be happy" to "I have everything I need to be happy NOW!"
(Epilog: As I was working on this entry, I saved the document to my computer as "Happy Baby"…At the time, it was a few key words to remind myself what the document was. However, as I returned to it later, it dawned on me that, while my daughter only speaks a few words now, one of her goto phrases is "Happy Baby!" I don't know exactly where she picked it up. It seems a fantastic notion that not only is she discerning simple nouns, like mama, daddy, doggie, kitty…etc., she is also able to grasp and express states of being. She must know this, as she will go about her playing contentedly, whispering "happy baby" to herself over and over again! It's so adorable! I am so happy that she is so happy!)
