10 Life Lessons I Learned From My Toddler
If you believe that as a parent, you are perpetually in the teaching roll, then think again! Keeping an open mind has allowed me to be the student, and I feel I have become wiser because of the lessons I learned from my child.
1. Always find a reason to be happy. I have never seen a happier child. She wakes up with a smile on her face and sometimes giggles while I sing her lullabies at night. If she ever gets upset, she is always very quick to recover to her constantly delightful demeanor. She recently started learning letters. I will point to a letter, and if she gets it right, she claps and cheers. But if I have to correct her, she still claps and cheers! Then it dawned on me – In school, we are taught that if you are wrong, its bad. But why only celebrate when you are right? For Jade, learning the correct answer is just as much of a reason to rejoice as already knowing the answer. In fact, she will cheer with unbridled exuberance at even the slightest provocation. Not just that, she will stand in front of you and stare at you while clapping and squealing, “Yay!” until you join in too. Happiness is highly contagious, and expressing it causes more happiness. Try laughing even when you are emotional, and it will alleviate stress and put things into perspective. Find a reason to celebrate every day and you will live a truly fulfilling life. Be content with the simple joys in life. Even small victories can be rewarded.
2. Explore and always be learning. Jade is always very inquisitive and constantly exploring her environment. She is always figuring out how things work. And much to my surprise, she has actually taught ME a few things! For instance, she has a little soothy doll that you press the button and music turns on for 15 minutes. She uses this regularly to help herself fall asleep. But what I didnt know is that if you hold the button down, it will turn off, and then if you click it again, it will resume. I thought you had to just let it play through its cycle before it would turn off. Though this is just a small inconsequential detail, I had no idea it could do this until she figured it out by trying new things. The same thing happened with the overhead light/fan in her room. It has a remote, and even though we had it for years, I didnt realize you could dim the light by holding down the on/off button. I also had no idea that not only does chalk work work well underwater, you actually get a very rich, paintlike pigment when you wet chalk, so its perfect for bathtime! I would not have thought to do this, until Jade insisted on bringing a piece of chalk with her into the bath. These are just a few instances. Every day, she finds something new to surprise me with. She is always figuring out new ways to do things. Which made me realize that even if you think you know something, to keep an open mind. Never get to a point where you are unwilling to grow, learn, and improve yourself and your life. You may discover new and improved ways of doing things.
3. Love yourself, and don't be afraid to be alone. Its the most adorable thing! When she waves hi or bye, she waves to herself instead of pointing her hand away from herself. The cuteness factor is compounded when she tries to say “hi mommy” and says “hi me” instead. Couple this with her waving to herself, and it appears as if she is absolutely delighted to say hi to herself...And why not? She came up to hug me the other day and just exclaimed “ME!” as she did it...As if to say, “Here mommy, I brought you a present – me!” She can sit in her crib for hours contentedly playing by herself. She doesn't immediately get upset that she's alone the minute she wakes up. She loves to keep herself company. We put a mirror down where she could sit and play with her toys and see herself. She will watch herself eat, laugh at her reflection, and even hold extended babbly conversations with herself. When she was an infant, she would often pat her own head to self-sooth. It dawned on me that there is absolutely nothing wrong with expressing love for yourself. At some point during my childhood, I had gotten the distinct impression that I was not supposed to love myself. That if I did something wrong, I should hate myself. That if I wanted comfort, I needed someone else to provide it for me. I would sometimes become depressed if I didn't have someone to play with. But she loves hanging out with herself, and values herself, (even at a young age,) so much so that she is not afraid to be alone, but likewise, knows that others enjoy her company too.
4. Be courageous and brave. Jade does not shy away from new experiences. When we enter into a new place with new people, she doesn't cringe and hide behind mommy. She greets everyone with a “Hi there” and waves her signature wave. She will run out to the first interesting thing she finds to start investigating and playing. She is uninhibited, and freely expresses herself no matter whose company she is in. She doesn't care whether or not anyone around her engages with her. She will confidently do her own thing based on her own interest and happiness. If she DOES engage someone else, she will be highly friendly and interactive. She will share in the event with the other person. She will sometimes offer her toy or her food to her new friend. She loves getting someone to read her a book. It both entertains her and engages the other person. If the other person is already playing with toys, she will find similar toys to initiate interaction. Wherever she is, she will explore her surroundings. She isn't afraid of heights. She will climb on whatever furniture or landscape is around all the way to the top. It causes me to think that when she is older she will climbing to the tops of mountains. Be adventurous. Be bold. Be unstoppable – whether you are tackling challenging terrain or social anxiety.
5. Always be in the moment. Are you feeling sad? Cry. Are you feeling mad? Yell. Are you feeling happy? Laugh loudly. If you are sad or mad, express yourself and then get over it. Two seconds after you yell is plenty of time to recover and find something to laugh about. If you are done playing with a toy, toss it aside. Don't worry about accessibility to it later on. Jade will readily throw one of her cherished toys out of the crib if she is done playing with it at that particular moment in time. Even if, minutes earlier, it was the most amazing discovery ever and the most enthralling thing in the world, she will quickly discard it when she is bored with it. As adults, we are sometimes painfully aware that we might not have access to something we have when we need it. I know I personally have an issue with hoarding, because I think, “I might need this in the future!” But if you live in the moment you are you more alive, and in tune with your senses and emotions. There is no need to beat yourself up over the past, or get stressed and preoccupied by worrying about the future. Be in this moment. It is wonderful. It is spontaneous. It has infinite potential. View the world through the eyes of a child and always view things as if you are seeing or experiencing them for the first time. Seize the day!
6. Be playful. Don't always be so formal. Don't always be so serious. Sit on the floor every once in a while. Heck, crawl around on the floor every once in a while! Pretend you are a unicorn! Do it with utter disregard of what others might think. Enjoy yourself thoroughly. Don't be afraid to look silly. Always find a way to make even the most mundane of tasks become an adventure. Common place items can easily become other things, that are imbued with magical powers and capable of hours of entertainment. It never ceases to amaze me how Jade can take items, even trash, and find innovative ways to play with them. A paper towel tube becomes a megaphone, or a microphone. An empty strawberry basket becomes a tote for all of her small toys. Going shopping is suddenly an outing to an exotic destination. Each aisle holds exciting wonders untold.
7. Stop eating when you are full. Obesity has become an epidemic in the U.S. The dieting industry pulls in millions of dollars a year from people trying to get to their “ideal weight.”. Years of conditioning have made most people unable to recognize signals from their own body telling them that they are full. Or they are afraid to waste food, so try to finish their plate as an alternative. Even though she will be very vocal about letting you know when she is hungry, Jade will toss her half eaten sandwich on the floor when she is done with it ( which, admittedly, isn't ideal, but for now, its acceptable.) She doesn't care if there is only one more bite left in the jar of baby food. She stops exactly when she is full. She won't be enticed by one more bite of cake, even though it is sweet and delicious. She would rather go seek out her sippy cup and take a big chug of water. She knows exactly when she is perfectly satisfied. I don't believe you should ever try to force a child to eat something they don't want, or to “finish their plate.” We have a magical thing called instinct that tells us messages from our bodies. This has been a fail-safe system for as long as man has existed. I don't think we need to second guess or interfere with this system. She has always been very open to trying whatever I offer her. She will take a bite and if she doesn't like it, she won't have more. But surprisingly, she will often opt for very wholesome, healthy foods. Her favorites are apples, bananas, strawberries, green beans, potatoes, brussel sprouts, and peanut butter sandwiches. I think we could all learn a lesson here. Eat what you want, when you are actually hungry. Drink plenty of water when you are thirsty.
8. Be patient. There are several ways in which she has taught me patience. In one way, I have learned to be patient when teaching her new things. She will get it in her own time, so there is no reason to try to rush things. In fact, that can be counter-productive. If the timing is wrong, just revisit it at a later time. In another way, she herself exhibits great patience when she is trying to do something. If she can't get it right, she will try many times. Each endeavor may take a long time. And yet, as long as it holds her interest, she will persevere, undaunted. Another test to my patience has been from her tendency to want me to read her the same books over and over, sometimes in quick succession; or watch the same episodes of children's shows over and over, or listen to the same CD of sing-along songs. I have also learned to be patient because my priorities and personal comfort sometimes have to take a back seat to seeing to Jade's needs. Getting her to take her naps takes up a lot of time. I have started a counting system in my head so that I can get her to sleep while keeping my sanity. I will start taking care of her when I get home from work. Sometimes I have things I need to tend to, but will often not get to projects in lieu of making sure Jade is fed, happy, and getting naps. Often, household chores will have to be redone over and over and over again! Folded laundry? Now upturned and all over the floor. Cleaned all her toys up and put them away? Now they are equally spaced apart, covering every surface of the entire house. Neatly organized all the DVDs on the shelf. Nope! Start over again! A constant barrage of exercises in utility, and you start developing the kind of patience that only a parent or a monk can truly understand and appreciate. You find somehow, even unbeknownst to yourself, you develop a zen-like calm that carries you along. I have also developed the patience to wait all day to see my dear little one again after I leave her to go to work every morning. Maybe the absence makes my time with her that much more precious to me.
9. Be experimental and don't be afraid to try new things. Before any of us were any good at anything, we had to practice it. And before we could practice it, we had to encounter it for the first time. A child's potential is enormous. They are inquisitive when they encounter something new. Jade will use household items as percussive instruments. Here is a paint brush and a canvas. Let's see what I can do with that. Here is a musical box filled with white and black keys. Let's see what noise I can make with that. Before you are trained to use something conventionally, try outside-of-the-box techniques. Try a new instrument. Pick up a new hobby. Go to classes for a new skill. Be open to new experiences. Its ok if you do something wrong the first time you try it. It is also quite alright to ask for help if you don't know how to do something right off the bat. There is a learning curve to everything. The more you explore, the more you expand your horizons.
10. Don't sweat the small stuff! Though this is an overly used cliché, it is none the less true. Being a parent causes you to shift your perspective and your priorities. You no longer get overly worked up over things that really don't matter in the grand scheme of things. Miss your favorite TV show? Meh. Didn't get to go to movie night with the girls? No big deal. Juice spilled on the carpet? Oh well. Drawings on the walls? Big whoop. Gain a few extra pounds? I couldn't care less. Family now comes first. Other things are secondary. Some things you viewed as important before are now completely inconsequential. You also can't get too upset over material possessions. Things are just stuff. My love for my daughter, and the lessons we teach each other throughout our life are the “things” that are truly important.
