Work versus Play
Spending quality time with baby when time is limited...
The working mom's dilemma
According to "The Experts", quantity is more important than quality when it comes to time spent with your child. Believe me when I say that I would love to be a full time mother more than anything else. The problem is, I work full time and am the breadwinner of the household. I cannot afford to spend more time with my kid, at least not at the moment. So my brief interactions with her in the morning, and when I come home, are the most precious moments of my day.
I try to pack as much quality time in as possible. We read books, play games, solve puzzles, I sing to her, put on puppet shows for her, shower her with kisses and hugs, tell I love her repeatedly. After reading a parenting book stating that if the mother is not around enough, then the mother "dies" in the mind of the child, I had a horrible fear that she would not recognize me, or that she would grow to despise me, or think that I wasn't around because I didn't love her. But every evening when I come home, she squeals with delight, and gets the biggest grin on her face and melts my heart. So I think I must be doing something right!
Don't get me wrong. I consider it quite fortunate that she gets to be with her daddy during the day, instead of being shipped off to a daycare or being watched by strangers. That was a big deal for me! I didn't even feel comfortable having a kid until I felt like I was in a stable situation in which child-rearing could be done solely by relatives. So now, even when we do need an occasional baby sitter, when my hubby and I want to go out for the evening, we have her grandpa watch her, which he is more than happy to do!
I also feel that the bond between Jade and her daddy have blossomed ever since I returned to work after maternity leave. In fact, he had a hard time interacting with her successfully for the first few months, maybe because I did spent so much time with her and took the reigns on caring for her. His frustration with the situation was detrimental to his happiness. In fact, we were wondering if postpartum depression for a father was a real thing!
But now that he is her primary care-giver, they have developed a magnificent relationship, and he turned out to be a wonderful father! I suppose that is the silver lining to my woeful work situation.
Another thing I found out after doing my research is that my overt change in priorities is nothing new! All of a sudden, my sights were no longer on my long term career, but on finding some way to get out my career altogether! I'm not the only one who has had this revelation...
And it makes sense that parents want to spend as much time with their kids as possible. There are hundreds of thousands of people joining groups on Facebook like "Work From Home Moms," because we all want the same thing. I joined these groups not because I am a work from home mom, but because I WANT to be. All I want to do is find a way to stay home with my baby while she is still a baby.
Its killing me that she is almost 1 year old and I feel like I already missed so much! She is almost a toddler now, and I thought this whole "baby" thing was supposed to last a while. But time is slipping through my fingers so fast its shocking!
When Jade was about 5 or 6 months old, her pediatrician told me that if I started giving her just water between 10pm and 4am, then she would stop waking up in the middle of the night. But I didn't end up doing this because I didn't have the heart to remove this quiet, sacred time from our routine. Even if it means sleep deprivation for who knows how long, its worth it to have just one more little interaction between us every day. In the wee hours of the morning, even if I feel frustrated and short-tempered, I step back and imagine I am remembering the present as if it was a distant memory, once Jade has grown. Suddenly, its not such a big deal that Jade is restless and I am tired. Suddenly, every minute of this sweet exchange is so dear and wonderful I get misty-eyed thinking about how quickly she will grow out of this phase.
So for now, my time spent with her will have to be quality instead of quantity. And when I can afford to quit my job, then it will be quality AND quantity!
Cherish every minute with your baby...it won't be long before they will fly the nest, a young, independent adult, ready to face the world, equipped with the tools, life lessons, and values they learned from you.
